A romance scam is a scheme where a fraudster uses the illusion of a romantic relationship to steal a victim's money or identity information. Scammers use specially crafted false identities to attract unsuspecting victims.

According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), this type of crime has surged in recent years. In 2022 alone, the FTC received reports from nearly 70,000 consumers who lost $1.3 billion to romance scams. The median reported loss per victim was $4,400, up from $2,400 in 2021. While anyone can become a victim, older adults and the recently widowed are most often targeted, as they are perceived as more lonely and vulnerable, and may have easier access to funds.

What is a romance scam?

Imagine this: You've just been through a messy divorce, you're heartbroken, and your attempts to find love again have been fruitless. Then, a handsome man suddenly messages you on Facebook. He compliments you, shares your interests, and says all the right things. You start chatting frequently, and soon, you are in love.

But every time you ask for a video call or to meet in person, he has an excuse, usually work-related or being far away. Then one day, he makes a desperate plea. His mother is sick in the hospital, and he can't afford the bill. He says if you wire him $4,000, you can save her life, and he promises to pay you back. You see a future together and don't want to seem unsupportive, so you reluctantly dip into your savings and send him the money. Then he disappears.

This is a classic romance scam, heartbreaking and financially devastating, and it is the most common type of fraud reported to the FTC.

Scammers used to primarily use dating apps to target victims, but more commonly now they find and message victims on social media. They create accounts using fake information and photos to craft an image that looks appealing, trustworthy, and attractive. They contact several candidates, trying to build an online romance. The more desperate and lonely the person on the other end seems, the easier they are to deceive.

Once the target responds and trust is established, the scam typically escalates, and the thief reveals a money-related problem. Eventually, they ask for money; they might claim it is needed to be able to meet you in person, or to help a sick relative or a friend in jail.

Unfortunately, those who donate money are often quickly ghosted, left heartbroken and possibly bankrupt.

How to identify a romance scam

You might think this could never happen to you, especially if you are younger, since older adults are the stereotypical targets. However, men and women of all ages have been victims of "sweetheart swindlers." They exploit people's single status to steal personal information and defraud them of money.

Here are some common red flags:

Requests for financial assistance: According to FTC data from 2022, the most common lie in romance scams (mentioned in nearly a quarter of reports) is a fake story about needing money. Scammers claim they or a loved one is sick, injured, or in jail and needs money, or that they need money to meet you. Be especially wary if they ask for payment via cryptocurrency, bank wire transfer, or gift cards.

Moves too fast: Be wary of rapid escalation, as scammers typically start professing love or talking about marriage before meeting in person.

Avoids meeting in person: The FTC reports that romance scammers always have an excuse not to meet, often claiming to be on an oil rig or ship, or in the military.

Offers unsolicited investment help: A newer tactic used by scammers is offering investment advice to appear generous. For example, they might teach you how to be a savvy cryptocurrency investor just like them, but your so-called investment money ends up in their pockets.

Moves to another platform: Be cautious if you met on a dating or social media app, but the person tries to move your conversation to a private messaging service like WhatsApp or Telegram. This reduces their risk but leaves you more vulnerable.

Requests explicit photos: If someone you've never met in person asks you to send explicit photos, run away immediately. Romance scammers are increasingly using "sextortion," asking victims to send explicit photos. Then they extort the victim for payment, threatening to share the photos with your social media contacts otherwise.

How to avoid romance scams

By following these proven strategies, you can reduce your chances of becoming a victim of a romance scam.

Limit online sharing. Be cautious about the personal information you post on social media, dating sites, or other online profiles. Omit personally identifiable information such as your hometown, home address, work information, phone number, educational background, and information about your children. Scammers often use this personal information to try to pose as your perfect partner.

Strengthen online privacy. At the same time, consider adjusting your privacy settings on social media. Be cautious about online friends; it's wise to decline requests from strangers.

Do your research. Romance scammers typically impersonate real people or use photos they find online. Do some investigating into your new love interest. Compare the information they provide with what you find online to see if there are any discrepancies (or if they don't appear online at all, which is also a red flag). Run a reverse image search on the photos they use to see if they are using someone else's pictures.

Request a meeting. Before things get serious (and especially before offering any resources), ask for an in-person meeting. If they live far away, patience may be required, but be wary if they constantly make excuses to avoid meeting. If you do meet for the first time, it is best to choose a public place and let friends and family know your location.

Never send money or sensitive information. Refuse any request for financial loans or assistance, no matter how reasonable or heartbreaking it seems, especially from someone you have never met in person. Also, avoid sharing your Social Security number, bank account or credit card numbers, or any other sensitive information with a new love interest, as this can lead to identity theft.

Trust your instincts. If something seems suspicious or too good to be true, it probably is. Trust your gut; don't let yourself be blinded by love. Consider asking a friend or family member for a second opinion. If you have met the person in person, introduce them to someone you trust and ask for their honest feedback.